The 'How To' of Our Work Together
what we can do...
Men want and respond to what has a practical and measurable positive impact on their life. Below you can see some of the tools we use in our work together to achieve this outcome...
Philosophical
Inquiry
Procrastination Rehabilitation
Narrative
Therapy
Relational Needs
for Men
Boundary
Setting
The Right
Context
PHILOSOPHICL INQUIRY - Finding the answers to life's problems can be difficult. But, Philosophical Inquiry shows us that the bigger issue is finding the right questions. That's not as straight forward as it might sound! A discipline largely overlooked in conventional therapy, Philosophical Inquiry is a collaborative and conversational activity designed to identify fundamental values you hold and ways to align them with action. It can help you to become aware of inconsistencies between beliefs and action (what you say and do). These revelations help you to become aware of instances in which you might be working at cross-purposes with yourself.
NARRATIVE THERAPY - Men are story tellers. Thus, your emotional wellbeing and sense of purpose is deeply rooted in the story you tell yourself about your life. A good story leads to a good life. A bad story (a pathologizing narrative in psychobabble) leads to a bad life. In other words, we will work on finding YOUR story. It's a story that empowers and emboldens you. This can then be integrated through something called narrative rehearsal. Working with a therapist is one way to start putting this into practice. Positive male stories need to be appreciated and encouraged. The main thing to remember about narrative therapy is that it leads you to the life YOU want to live, not the life others think you should live.
BOUNDARY SETTING - Interpersonal boundaries are essential. It's important to know how to establish boundaries with other people's behavior and then how to enforce those boundaries. Mastering this skill set enables you to put a stop to potentially abusive behavior (bullying, manipulation etc.). Lack of this skill set can lead to extremes. More obviously, it can put you in almost impossible situations where seemingly the only out is to either run away or fight (not good). An even greater number of men suffer from the other extreme where they repress their need to say 'NO' for fear of creating conflict. This skill set is about balancing the acts of disarming the defensiveness of others while also verbalizing your own legitimate need for space and respect.
PROCRASTINATION REHABILITATION - When it comes to productivity, men have been sold a bill of goods. Most who suffer from procrastination believe themselves to be lazy. They've been conditioned to associate their self-worth with productivity which leads to inevitable feelings of guilt and unworthiness. In procrastination rehabilitation, almost everything you believe about productivity will be challenged. Yes, the goal is to help you be productive and achieve your goals. No doubt. But the 'how to' is diametrically opposed to what you've been taught before. The dynamics of procrastination are thoroughly decoded. You'll understand exactly why it happens and, as a result, be able to overcome it.
RELATIONAL NEEDS FOR MEN - Men's needs in relationships are incredibly important to understand and talk about. This is true not only for men themselves, but also their partners or future partners. Relationships are about giving and receiving. Both partners want to have their emotional needs understood and met. Therefore, understanding the terrain can be a breakthrough. Understanding the needs of your partner is essential. But without an intimate understanding of your own needs (physical, emotional, recreational, financial, psychological) relationship problems become inevitable. We'll do some evidence-based PsycoEducation about what men need in relationships. We'll then undertake an investigation of your own personal needs, examining practical ways to communicate them with pride and authenticity.
THE RIGHT CONTEXT - Therapy can only be as affective as the context in which it takes place. Fundamental issues need to be recognized to set the right scene. In our work together, there's an understanding that the challenges men face are real and deserving of empathy. They deserve to be recognized. There's an understanding that men possess perfectly sharp emotional acumen. There's a recognition that you should be allowed to process things in your own way. There's a recognition that all emotions men process (including anger) are permissible and healthy. Most of all, there's a recognition that although they are strong and often stoic, male emotional suffering is real and needs to be given a space to be heard.
