Beyond Self-Help
The Focus of Counselling
men don't need to be fixed
In a culture where men have (understandably) become disillusioned with therapy, the self-help industry has largely filled the void.
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Self-help is useful, up to a point. It can serve to take us out of paralysis or make us feel less helpless. Goals are indeed important and always will be.
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However, all too often self-help becomes yet another way in which men are told they're not measuring up and that they have to 'try harder'. It can leave many feeling inadequate and solely to blame for their issues.
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Rather than encouraging self-empowerment and personal responsibility, it can lead to guilt and self-blame.
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They're told to 'start their own business', 'bring in six-figs' or develop a 'killer six-pack''.
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While pursuing goals will always be a masculine instinct, men no longer need to be told to push more, chase more, or work more! It's time men are given the support they deserve and to be listened to with the assumption that they're not broken and don't need to be fixed.
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Change is the Goal
men are nuanced
'His Therapist' provides short-term, goal-oriented counselling. Typically, sessions are scheduled once a week until the client feels they have a better handle on their (clearly defined) issue.
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Men are not simplistic. They are highly complex, emotional, and nuanced.
Therefore, the focus of counselling depends on the need of each individual. However, Maslow's hierarchy of needs can be informative in setting the goal.
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A virtue of men is that they are typically goal and action-oriented. Often, practical problems such as money or career outlook are central. Finding and removing psychological blocks (procrastination, low self-esteem, anxiety, self-sabotage) in these areas are where we work.
However, a part of the problem is that men have been so conditioned to focus on providing basic survival needs, they have found themselves largely excluded from exploration of their higher needs.
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While men do (and indeed should) care deeply about practical matters, therapy can go even deeper when appropriate. Issues around identity, meaning, purpose, intimacy and belonging are explored here.